we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
