I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize