I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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