yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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