I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
