You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize