I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
