she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
