Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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