Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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