apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
