so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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