This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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