its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
