i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
