They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
