Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize