How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
