Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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