I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
