I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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