She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
