So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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