Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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