i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
