Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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