Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
