Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
