i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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