So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
