Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
