He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
