Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
