Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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