We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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