i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
