i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize