I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
