I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
