this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
