He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
