I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
