I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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