I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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