How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think your dad took our porno
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
