my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
