Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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