"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
