Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
