nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
