in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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