I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
false alarm. still invincible.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
