I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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