we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
