and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize