In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
