I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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