I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
