i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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