hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
