Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize