I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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