i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The Olympian is in my bed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
