went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
