so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
