a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
