when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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