i just had sex bonerless
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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