I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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