I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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