the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
