SEEEEXXX PLEASE
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
