So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
