Whod you bang
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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