Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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