i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize