Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
