It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
