Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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