did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
