These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
