Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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