sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
