About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she peed on how many people?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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