I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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