i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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