I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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