I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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