i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
