I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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