:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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