Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
