The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
