My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
