So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
