He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
