Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
