It's like God shit irony all over that family
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
