Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
