Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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