I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
