We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
