If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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