I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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