I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
These tits shall not be calmed
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