Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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