Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
