I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
