U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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