Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Randomize
