there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
