Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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