how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
