True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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