Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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