uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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