a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Duck Duck Cougar?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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