Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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