My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
