On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
