when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
